As a parent you go between wanting your baby to stay small forever and then wanting them to grow and achieve greatness. Sometimes I find it really difficult to come to terms with my boy not being a baby anymore, he comes out with new words each day and holds full on conversations with his toys, it’s truly delicious to watch but hard as I feel like time is running away from us already. The baby phase is pretty much gone from our household now and we are even in talks about the big transition from nappies to big boy pants (Herb did his first wee on the potty the other day) scary really as potty training seems like the worst!! but Herbie seems to watch, watch ,watch and then boom! learns something new so fingers crossed that happens with him going to the loo.
We had a heart breaking moment when I called Herb my baby and he said “no mummy I’m not a baby I’m Herbie”
I’m confused as to what my role is now? I’ve spent so long cleaning his bum and making sure he is eating enough that when he gets more independent I feel a bit lost. I know he will always be my baby and he will always need me but now I’ve got this little nagging feeling that I will need to be getting more independent as well, which will probably be a career of some kind when he goes to school full-time.
Missing the baby stage is craziness as it seems I’m a much better mother to a toddler than I ever was to a baby, my post natal anxiety caused me to have meltdowns and having a really small human hanging off my boob was pretty stressful, but still it’s another phase gone … another step closer to terrifying things like preschool, university or him moving out.
This all sounds silly but I just really like the little guy and hanging out with him is the best, I fear I will be that mother that all the teachers know the name of because I wait at the school gates for the whole day until I can take him home again …. that too creepy? … yep I’m going to need a career haha.
I have been really lucky though, being a stay at home mum I’ve seen every smile, nursed every sickness and witnessed every step. Every moment so far I have treasured (apart from the things like him pooing in his play house, screaming round the super market etc but we forget about those things don’t we? haha) and although I feel he is growing up really quickly I’m sure I will have more and more proud moments to experience.
Being a mother has been the most difficult challenge of my life so far but bringing Herbie into the world is my proudest achievement and I don’t think that will change even if I end up living to be a hundred.